My mortal
by HP IS AWESOME
Summary: My take at My Immortal commentary.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This is a fixed up version and commentary of MyImmortal by Tara Gibson. I know it's been done before. First in the 'What is this with kdawg' series. I just can't read this or let you read this without fixed up spelling. I will be doing rude and sill number names until I can't think of any.**

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangs (get it, because I'm gothic** It took me a couple times to figure it out**) to my gf (ew not in that way **soooo you don't like leisbian**) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helping me with the story and spelling **and bad spelling if I might add**. You rock! Justin **Justin beiber?** your the love of my deprssinging life you rock to! MCR ROCK!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **That sounds like emo** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if you don't know who she is get the hell out of here!**ok the I'm leaving**). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie **wait, you like incest**. I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white **and vampires have crooked brown teeth**. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **Scotland** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen **Wow I couldn't believe that**). I'm a goth **don't you mean emo** (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there **Hot Topic isent in England**. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow **and that's a piece of information I needed**. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **That's immpossible you can't have them both at a BOOK** so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps **as in 5 year olds?** stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them **That works for everything**.

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly **Have you ever read a Harry Potter book**.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

AN: IS it good? PLEASE tell me fangs! **sorry but we don't.**

**A/N I don't own my immortal and I'm happy about it.**


	2. Chapter Poo-Poo

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry for the Loooong wait. I had school and forgot this but here I am so here is the story.**

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta **But still no help with deleting it.**! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!** Yeah does that mean 5 year olds reall tell me.**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again **And still hurting the universe**. I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had **Some nice old blood that's probley crusty**. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends **Yay stuff we want to know**. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun **Please stop telling us this stuff we don't won't to know**.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)** What did I just say.**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **I just blush about everybody don't you.**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **You have crap memory.**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **Hell no I don't want to.**

**A/N: Another chapter finshed another to start:( hop you like this and I don't own Harry Potter. But gladly don't own My immortal.**


	3. Chapter pee

**AN:Hey guys, sorry for the wait had school,school and a steaming pile of fun and videos so yeahhhhh, story time.**

AN: STOP FLAMING THE STORY PREPZ **(Is she talking about preps, really can someone tell me)** OK! Otherwise fangs to the goffik people for the good reviews! FANGS AGAIN RAVEN! Oh yeah, by the way I don't own this or the lyrics for Good Charlotte.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather mini dress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky** (Useless sentence time!) **. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC **(Read a book and listened to music? How deep did she cut)**. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway **(Useless sentence time again kids)**. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert** (Bottle of blood a day keeps the dentist away)**.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car **(You forgot to mention that it was a ford angila)**. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot of cool boys wear it ok!) **(Useless sentence that never ends)**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice **(I'm so depressed I speak depressed while having a ecclimation mark)**.

"Hi Ebony," he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs **(Why do you think they learn potions for learning pthh)**. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood. They're all so happy you've arrived. The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom, she sets you free into this life," sang Joel (I don't own the lyrics to this song.)

"Joel is so fucking hot," I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective **(Nahhhhhh just messing with ya)**.

"Really," I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch," I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert t-shirts. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest **(And died by werewolves wanting to stop this story)**!

**AN:Yay another chapter done no idea how many to go.**


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